I admit I’m not the same women in the Polaroids anymore. I had to change to survive. To hold onto to the light that I thought had died. I spent time fighting to survive. Every note I sung off-key. Every quit moment full of contemplation and maybes.

I still fill up with thoughts or you. Wondering if your okay? Questioning if you have someone new? I thought I would go through the trails and tribulations of life with you.

But I had to do it alone. Away from everything I knew, only to change and grow. I checked out like the dark spots in between the lights on a freeway. Looking for Traces of you along the way.

I needed to know you were there even if I never heard from you at all. Everyday in the silent recesses of my mind I wanted for you to call. But you wanted on my to reach out instead. Pride has left us without us. Looking at you sideways knowing deep down your the only person I can trust.

Sometimes I wonder why you? Why not someone new? Why does my heart call for you like a lighthouse calling a boat to shore? What out for the rocks? As I shine my light for you watch out for the rocks and jagged edges.

There’s more to me than you know. I have pain undisclosed, never fixed and left uneven from years ago. But my eyes are the same. My heart is the same. My hope is the same. I got use to hiding the brightness of my flame.

But I admit I’m not the same women in the Polaroids anymore. I had to change to survive. To hold onto to the light that I thought had died.

Love always. Esha