The hanging mistletoe has dried out in mid-air

The pine needles of trees

That once had presents under them now decorate living rooms

Without a cause or reason outside of holiday inertia

The smell of cinnamon and nutmeg dissipate

The candy canes that reek of peppermint

But fail to satiate the taste-bubs

Of a sista that has seen the highs and lows

A heart twisted five ways from Sunday

Plastic santa and reindeer sits in lawns

Surrounded by red and green lights

Strung around the windows and doors of houses

That desired to bring happiness a little closer

Frosty the snowman should be melted into puddles

Like the tears that fall from my eyes

Every time I hear someone say Christmas spirit

It literally makes my eyes burn

Holly and jolly fail to describe my thought process

Although I’ve put on a few pounds

But when the wind blows I like the feeling of being more round

Sometimes the bitter eggnog sets in my veins

And I think about remixing every horrible Christmas song I’ve ever heard

But I am reminded of the pattering of tiny feet

That I have yet to hear

So I always get sad at this time a year

The feeling of desires I have yet to fulfill makes my eyes water

Maybe I’m just going through a phrase

Where everything that I haven’t accomplished

Causes me pain

Raining on my holiday like broken ornament glass

That I’ve never seen my reflection in

But the truth is ever since my Father died

Holidays feel like a lie

Like bubbling pain mounting inside

I choke back sadness and put a smile on my face

The love that I longed for hasn’t come into fruition

The empty rooms in my heart that I prayed were filled with care

Are a painful reminder of the reality

That I’m still not there

In the part of my life

Where the inconsistencies have all come together

Into a beautiful tapestry

That finally make sense

Love always, Esha <3