Honest Rant: Normal

This isn’t a poem. If you don’t like rants you should avoid this post at all costs!

The last two years have taught me a lot about myself. For the longest time, I tried to fix all the quirky things about my personality. Attempting to blend in, be nonchalant and take it easy has been nearly impossible! I am a hot mess but yet I have spent my whole life trying to be normal. And it hasn’t worked in the slightest. If I dared to share the stories of the unusual experiences I’ve had you’d probably never believe it.

One time I got off the bus and proceeded to walk home and I fell down three times in a row. As it drove past me, people pointed and laughed. And I thought to myself, dang I just need to walk it out but these bowlegged thighs are fighting with my knees and its affecting my feet. I use to peg myself as socially awkward but then I realized that I would need to make an effort to talk to people first. Sometimes, I don’t even respond to people asking me questions if I’m not in the mood to talk. Like is that common or is it just me? Do I need to try harder?

I tend to be painfully honest. Even about little stuff, if someone asks me what time it is? I would say it’s 1:02 pm instead of 1:00 because it would push me off the edge to round off numbers. I haven’t met very many people who like talking to me… And to be honest I don’t enjoy talk to people very often. Entertaining a bad conversation for me is the equivalent of pulling teeth; it’s painful and nauseating. I have issues with drinking because my version of drunk is everyone else’s version of sober. When I’ve had 7 shots of dark liquor my vision improves, I’m more soft spoken, conversations are bearable and I notice all the insignificant details about the company I keep. So I quit drinking.

Every blue moon I wonder, do I suck or is it the world that sucks? Either way, I have totally given up on the concept of being normal. It doesn’t work for everyone and it’s certainly not working for me. But I made a personal decision to maintain my fake laugh because snorting like a pig nearly drove my Dad insane and a cute giggle increases my self esteem. So maybe I have adapted a few acceptable traits after all. Besides Jesus loves me and that’s all I need to survive in this pandemic driven roller coaster of a world.

Thank you for reading, Esha ❤

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