I’m gonna keep it real. Recently, I have endured uphill battles that have changed me for the better… I think. For the rest of this month, in addition to poems I intend on giving you more blog posts about those experiences and the efforts I made to overcome them. Last week, my family had a kumbaya moment at church. After two years of arguing and proverbial fights, we finally found common ground and realized that we were all pushing past horrific circumstances that left us scarred. It made me realize, that my family really has issues.

We’re loving people and honest to a fault but we have blowouts and strange arguments that typically lead to nowhere but self-awareness, resolutions and reconciliations (especially after someone dies). Sometimes traumatic situations can pull out the worse in a family. I’m not gonna get into all aspects of my family’s business. But since my Father passed I’ve been wondering who are these crazy people I’m related to?

I’m even more shocked that my Dad had to deal with this mess for all these years. God calling him home was probably a blessing in disguise because our family is a hot mess! These people have been terrorizing me and I’m no better. It’s weird but every time I am ready to wash my hands of these irritable, mysterious and angry people I realize that we’re just alike and that’s why we argue so much.

I’m really saying all this to say, sometimes we have disappointments and disagreements with each other because we don’t know what the other person is going through. I have begun to realize that loving people is about caring for them no matter the outcome. I used to get so angry because I was being patronized and disrespected when really people were just dealing with their own cramp (and undermining my battles). When I’m overwhelmed, I often look for a safe place to land but sometimes there is no safe place when it comes to people. Because we all have our own baggage to deal with and or carry.

Sometimes the struggle is more internal than external. It’s our job to grow a little more each day so we can become the person we were always destined to be. Sometimes I overlook what I’m going through so I can focus on someone else other than myself. Because it’s easier than admitting to the fact that I’m a little jacked up (I gotta be honest this year).

But the real work is making progress in my own life while no one is watching and the chips are down. So be encouraged because every time you think you’re doing bad there’s always someone worse off trying to put the small pieces of their life back together again. And maybe one day if you give people time they will tell you that you meant something to them after-all. Okay, I’m gonna get off my soapbox now and make good on some of the crap I discussed in this blog post! If no one has told you recently, I want you to know that you are beautiful, you are capable and above all… baby, you are loved. Don’t ever let the pain that life throws at you bring you down because you matter and you are somebody. Hold your head up high and move forward even if it hurts a little because the things worth achieving in this lifetime are never easy.

Till next, Esha <3